"...rock the nation to its very core."

Last night I had the privilege and pleasure to attend my home owners' association meeting. When my wife and I bought our lovely townhouse, we knew that there was a HOA, and had some vague idea that they were the folks that were somehow responsible for making sure we didn't let the paint get too flaky or that our light in our lamp post stayed lit. (Kind of like the people in the one single episode of "X-Files" I ever watched.) However, after living there for over a year, it became clear that someone wasn't keeping watch as we seemed to be the only neighbors expending any effort in maintaining the appearance our home. Because of this, last year when the HOA sent notice of their annual meeting, I decided I should show up. I guess I felt that I can't complain about the sorry state of our neighborhood if I don't pitch in to make at least look better.

I had no idea that I would be one of six people in the whole community (of 190+ townhomes) to show up. Not only that, there was only one remaining board member and he didn't even to bother to come. So I added my phone number to the paltry list of folks who said they'd be interested in serving on the Board if it ever got around to actually having a meeting. A few weeks later I got a call from our management company (the company who handles all the contracts and other miscellaneous stuff associated with having a community) asking me to show up for a meeting of the board. I got there, and we had just enough people there for the one remaining board member to nominate us all to positions. Because we all more or less had our choice of positions, I thought I'd like to be VP. I mean it's not like it requires any effort and occasionally I would get to sign something maybe. However, the woman hosting the meeting in her home, volunteered to be our madam president and the Army lawyer jumped at the VP slot. I did not want to do the financials so I got stuck with secretary. This meant that I would furiously take notes at our monthly meetings and type them up later, usually at work.

Well, to make a long story even longer (I've got to get in my 15 minutes remember), our VP (while currently in litigation with our "treasurer") has moved out of the neighborhood and our president has not paid her dues since prior to coming to the board (rumor has it that she used the money to take a trip to Florida...wait, I think her last name is DeLay...she should have used to buy a toothbrush though). So, last night both members were impeached by the board, and because we had to have a president, the remaining (and new) board members elected me as president. I would have made a very nice acceptance speech, but it was already 9:30 and I needed to head home.

I thought my wife would be wildly excited to know that she was no longer married to a lowly secretary, but instead, The President of the Villages of You've-Got-To-Kidding-Me-People-Actually-Live-Here. She asked me if I was planning on being president for very long, and I said "No." "Why?" she asked, "Is it because we are moving soon?" with her voice full of eager anticipation.

"No. It's because I am going to be embroiled in a scandal that will rock this nation to its very core."

Indeed.